Fill "Er Up!

A line in a song this morning in church caught my attention. Following along with the new song on the powerpoint screen above our heads, I heard my mouth thanking God for my having been filled with his blessing, filled with his love, joy, peace, etc. Despite being unfamiliar with the song, my mouth had no problem vocalizing the words, that is, until my mind shot in an honest protest, “Hey, the only thing that is ‘full’ in your life lately has been your to-do lists.” Sadly, my mind was right. My gauge of energy levels, joy, passion, and awareness of God’s blessing in my life has been reading much closer to empty these past few weeks and it doesn’t take much intelligence to know that one can’t get very far, when running on fumes. “Yes, Lord, I admit, I’ve been feeling rather empty lately.”

 

But just as my mind was chastising my mouth for blatant hypocritical singing, the song took an unexpected turn and my mouth gladly followed its course: “I have been filled up that I might be emptied again.” Though not necessarily a new idea, it brought fresh insight to me today - filled with the purpose of being emptied in service to others. Yes, I have been feeling rather empty lately, stretched thin by the recent demands of the project, service to our organization and general life over here, but it helps to recognize this emptiness as part of the cycle God desires in us.

 

That doesn’t mean that running on empty is a good thing for sustained service. Just last Thursday, I had a particularly tiring day, mostly frustrated by yet another opportunity to help the Gmz people, this time in the area of literacy and the production of a dictionary. Of course I want to and even feel obligated to help, but can I take on another project? To make a long story short, there was talk of possibly calling the literacy teachers from all over our region for a 1-week workshop in which we (the translation team) could discuss our usage of the government-approved alphabet and spelling rules. It would be a great opportunity to help bring better understanding to the teachers and more uniformity to the Gmz school curriculum. So in talking with the two foreigners involved with the literacy project, I mentioned the first possibility that came to mind. “Well after two more weeks of this workshop, I have one empty week before the branch conference, could it be possible to do it then?” My German colleague across immediately shot back “Sure, it’s no problem, we have the budget to pay perdiams and we could host the teachers, but…” He stopped in mid-sentence and stared directly at me, “No, you need that week to take rest…” Then he paused, and in a moment of silence, looked at his partner in the project, both of which have felt the weight of having invested so much for so long, “Don’t do what we have done to ourselves.” Enough said, as I know very well the history of service represented in those two, not to mention the multiple burnouts which have left very real scars in their lives.

 

I sat down in my seat as the new song continued to fill the sanctuary above my bowed head. Grabbing an index card from my Bible and a pen from my pocket, I scribbled the words down: I have been filled up that I might be emptied again. Running on empty is ok, but only as long as a filling station is in sight! Which in my case it is…that is, if I have the eyes to see it!  Lord, fill me up with whatever I need for this next week…no. Scratch that, fill me with whatever I need for today, and then again tomorrow, and the day after that…that I might be emptied again and again in helping bring Scripture to your people who proudly call themselves Gmz. Without your filling, I have nothing left to give!