Warning: this is not a fun read. It's not intended to be. Instead, it is a what can be best called "preaching to self" – a form of communication I would utilize most often if ever I am ever placed in a pulpit. So, if it is basically a letter to myself, why post it here? Well, when I was serving at Campus Life, I learned one lesson very earlier on. Many pastors/spiritual leaders are viewed as imparters of propositional wisdom by which their sheep are edified, I've found that I can't play either side of that game very well. The best way that I can disciple/sharpen others is to open up my life and let them into my mind/heart as I process through an immediately relevant issue. In other words, I give them a glimpse into my story. The spiritual life is not lived in propositions, but rather in narrative. Not to mention the increased power and effectiveness of a lesson taught through story, over against that same lesson taught in propositions. And so, rather than communicating the five boiled-down lessons I learned during my annual struggle with our work permit, I invite you into the story. Learn the issues, listen into my processing, and allow Scripture to speak into this story such that we exit the other side having been sharpened together.
Dear Travis,
Here you are again. What was it? Ten months ago you parked yourself in this exact same coffee shop, and although your heart is much lighter this year, much of your purpose is the same. You want to move beyond the frustration and bitterness you've allowed to germinate again during the process of your annual work permit renewal. Last year, you wrestled the "why" questions that hounded you for the two-month post-expiration delay. You wanted answers as to why God allowed such stress? Why he permitted the loss of progress in the project? Why he asked you to throw away money in late fees and penalties? Why would an omnipotent God who can accomplish anything at any time choose a timeline that proved so "wasteful" in route to ending with the result we all wanted (a renewed work permit)? Weighed down with a heavy backpack of "why" questions, you spent a long morning here reading through Habakkuk's similar set of questions and the answers he received directly from God. You left that Sunday morning, having been challenged that your "why" questions are really just cleverly-disguised accusations which assume that your desires based on your evaluation of a situation from your limited perspective are better than his will based on his plan which is being worked out from his omniscient perspective. Thankful for the renewed permit, you were able to return to work with a heart of genuine praise.
End of story? I guess not. Thinking that God had taught you what you needed to be taught, you approached the 2014 annual work permit confident that last year's delays would not be repeated. Even when you learned that the church denomination was once again struggling with their organizational registration renewal (the same problem which delayed your renewal last year), you refused to allow yourself a moment of worry. In exchange, you found an amazing oasis of peace, drinking deep from the spring of Habakkuk's God, the only One who has real control over the situation. Clinging to this attitude, the weeks of March passed without a noticeable rise in stress or worry, but rather you increasingly accepted that leaving the country may be necessary. If it was God's decision, you were prepared to accept it, and don't be ashamed to admit, you even began to get excited about it as you brainstormed places to go and things to do. If given lemons…you were all set to make lemonade!
Maybe this led to a hint of disappointment you felt when you learned that your prayers for renewal had been answered. Yet, the questions that later surfaced in your mind were all too familiar. If God had planned all along to renew the work permit, why did he choose the timeline that he did? Why did he make us spin our wheels in Addis for the whole month of March? Why did he wait until 8 days past its expiration, then allow delays at immigration further postponing your resumption of work with the team until April 23rd (at the earliest)? That's two months of time away from the project, in what could have been 1 or 2 weeks had the omnipotent God simply willed it! But he didn't. You've come to accept that, and in doing so, you've come to an important new realization: God is not an American businessman. American commerce places high value on cost efficiency, including time management since "time is money." It doesn't take a genius to see that all of your work permit renewal frustrations this year, and last, were built on that American businessman's value of work efficiency. Your lamenting over lost time, your frustration over poor use of financial resources given to God's work, your sadness to see the project fall a bit further behind schedule…
But where does God fit into the American business model? American's value of cost efficiency stems from a fact that our resources are limited. God's resources know no limit. Time efficiency is based on a number of things, including our limited energy. God's energy/power knows no limit. Hard work is a cultural value for you Americans because you see a direct relation between our efforts and a successful product/outcome. but wait, can such talk of "effort" ever be applied to God? It seems that no more effort is required of him in parting a sea than in feeding a single sparrow.
So, does God value efficiency? My firm conclusion: maybe sometimes, but don't count on it. How long did Joseph sit in prison before he arrived at his God-appointed position? How much "money" was wasted in the sacrificial system that required the complete burning of perfectly nutritious meat and fat? Why couldn't the omniscient and omnipotent God had kept Uriah from falling in love with Bathsheba in the first place? The whole story of Job, up until the last 5 verses is an incredibly "expensive" test of faith! Did God not count the cost of lives lost, wealth wasted, and years of living in anguish? And for what benefit? Just to prove to Satan that Job's faith was genuine? There have got to be more efficient ways of making that point. How many nights did the apostle Paul spend behind bars? And waiting for what? Why did God take one of his greatest servants at the height of his career and lock him away first in Jerusalem, then in Caesarea for at least three years, and then in Rome for the remainder of his life? Look at the opening phrase of the verses the team just checked, Acts 27:9 – "Much time had been lost…" (NIV). That could have been Paul's motto for the last years of his life!
Travis, you've had to wait for a few more weeks than you wanted, but keep that time in perspective. Maybe it was time you needed away from the project. Maybe there are lessons for you (or others) to learn through it. Or maybe God just doesn't measure your success and your personal value in the same terms you do. Yes, he wants to communicate his truth to the Gmz people, but if he were really, really concerned about efficiency and speed in finishing that work, why did he waste nearly 2000 years before sending someone to even start?
Focus on what you know to be true. God has given you another year in which you can serve him among the Gmz. Don't waste another minute of it questioning why he chose to answer your prayer with the timing that he did. Instead ask for the grace you need to serve well, with whatever effectiveness and whatever efficiency he adds into your limited efforts. It's all about perspective…and you know as well as I do, if God's plan were really based on an American business model, you would never have been hired in the first place. Make your plans, set your goals, and work hard but more importantly, faithfully follow your Savior on the meandering road of his choice! Maybe, just maybe, the journey is more important than the arrival and any particular destination.
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